Preserving Marriage

Quite a few years ago I got a phone call in the middle of the afternoon from a friend. She was very upset and in tears. She had just found confirming evidence that her husband of over 15 years had been having an affair for some time. I was unaware of her troubled marriage, and her news was a shock to me.

Later that evening I talked with my husband about what was going on in my friend’s marriage and gave him a hug, telling him that I was glad that our marriage was strong and that we would never have to worry about something like that happening to us. My husband did something I have never forgotten. He pulled away and put his hands on my shoulders. Very seriously he said that there are no guarantees in a marriage, that it takes work to have a strong marriage. It doesn’t just happen.

Why should couples put forth the effort to repair a troubled marriage or to make their marriage stronger? If two married people feel that they are falling out of love, who does it hurt if they decide they would be happier if they were no longer married? Strong marriages are very important to more than just the couple involved. Research has shown that strong marriages contribute to strong communities. The family is the fundamental unit of society, and a couple working together to have a strong marriage provide stability to their children and each other as well as to the community in which they live.( The State of Our Unions, 2012)

Children who are raised in families where the mother and father are married are more likely to have the advantages of a good education and a happily married life of their own. On the other hand, children who have experienced divorce in their families tend to struggle for years because of it. Studies indicate that these children suffer economically, psychologically, and later in their own marriages. (The State of Our Unions, 2012)

Elder Dallin H Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints gives advice to those in troubled marriages. I feel this same advice can be used to keep marriages strong. He says, “Latter-day Saint spouses should do all within their power to preserve their marriages. . . . .To avoid so-called “incompatibility,” they should be best friends, kind and considerate, sensitive to each other’s needs, always seeking to make each other happy. They should be partners in family finances, working together to regulate their desires for temporal things.”

Elder Oaks continues with his guidance further stating, “ Of course, there can be times when one spouse falls short and the other is wounded and feels pain. When that happens, the one who is wronged should balance current disappointments against the good of the past and the brighter prospects of the future.
Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again. . . . Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs, to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships.”

This is very valuable advice for every married person.

I also have a few points of advice I would like to offer:

• Be the best person you can be. 
• Pray and read scripture together. 
• Be concerned about the welfare of your spouse. 
• Repent often and forgive quickly. 
• Have fun, dance in the kitchen, sing with the radio. 
• Make time for a date night each week, just the two of you.

A strong marriage is something worth working for. Strong marriages and families make society stronger and more unified.

My husband and me, 1980 to 2015.