Letting Go of the Natural Man

A couple of weeks ago, just as this course was starting, I asked my husband of 35 years, and a recently released bishop, what he thought was the secret of a happy marriage.  He sat quietly thinking for a few minutes and I sat waiting, honestly a little anxious to hear his answer.  

When he spoke, I was a little surprised by what he said.  He said he thought the key to a happy marriage was not to get so worked up over things.  I didn’t have anything to say to that.  I did have a few thoughts running through my head, mostly having to do with me getting a little worked up over his answer.  

I repeated back to him, “Oh, the secret is to not get worked up over things?” 

“Yeah,” he said.  

“Can I quote you on that?” I asked him. 

“Sure,” was his answer.  I didn’t know when I would use his words of wisdom, but I tucked his answer in the back of my mind for future reference.

As I sat contemplating the message of the introduction to Goddard’s book, “Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage,” and as I read the notes I had jotted down after rereading it, my husband’s answer to my earlier question came to mind.  The main message from Goddard’s introduction is that as we use the Atonement of Christ to let go of our natural man tendencies of looking out for ourselves we can become a changed person.

Goddard says, “When we are more godly, fewer things bother us. And when we run into problems, we are more likely to process them in helpful ways.”  

I think this is what my husband meant by his answer of “Not getting so worked up over things.”  When a person is living a Christ-like life he or she is more likely to be willing to let things of small consequence go by the wayside. It is easier to let little things that don’t really matter not bother you, or cause you to get angry.

One of my favorite scriptures, one that I often quote to myself when I need a good teaching moment, is about charity, “the pure love of Christ.”  I usually quote from Moroni 7:45, but nearly the same words can be found in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. I learn that “charity. . .is kind, and envieth not, is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked. . . .”  These are good lessons to be reminded of every day.  These are lessons that can be used in marriage.  I have a quote from Elder Marvin J. Ashton hanging in our kitchen that helps remind me what it means to be a charitable spouse.

 

“Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”

Through living the teachings of Christ and loving as Jesus loved, we can let go of our natural man tendencies to get worked up over little things.  We can use the Savior’s teachings in our lives to become more like Him.  We don’t even have to do it alone.  When we go to the Lord in humility, and ask for help to be able to let go of those feelings of frustration or hurt, He will heal us.  He will make us better people.  

Goddard teaches, “The key to a healthy relationship is being a healthy, saintly, God-seeking person—to be born again—to be a new creature in Christ.” We can rely on the Savior to make each of us a new person, a person that will be able to rise above the natural man tendencies and be a wonderful partner in a marriage.